PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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