shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
