awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You brought string cheese to the strip club
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
