Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize