I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
honey bunches of taint.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize