I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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