New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
