Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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