Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
The Olympian is in my bed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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