K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
