I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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