Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
