a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
