Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
