i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
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