you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
