his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
