i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
