Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
