Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
