Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
