508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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