Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
