dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
