I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
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