In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
