I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
