Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
