How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize