Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
