You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
