holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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