oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
