The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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