Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
