at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
