No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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