she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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