I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
