i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
