Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
