you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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