So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You can't just leave with hair like that
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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