So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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