You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
