My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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