the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
