I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
