Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
