That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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