It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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