It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
