So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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