Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
