A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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