Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
