I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
