From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
The air was thick with penises
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
