Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize