see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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