you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
