i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
