You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
