R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Randomize
