It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
