I bet he comes in French.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
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