cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
we're making bets on your personal life
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
