So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
