Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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