The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I want to have your abortion
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have already put on my inside pants.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
