I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize