dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
