It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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